Posts Tagged politics
Earn Big Money as a Tom Emmer Lookalike!
Posted by Administrator in Economy, Politics on July 15th, 2010
With a plastic face mask accurately crafted to Tom Emmer’s likeness, a blue suit, and a big canvas bag, you can make big money—merely by people throwing it at you!
The Journal of American Rocket Science will sell you a face mask and bag kit. Then, just drop by local restaurants—and —CASH IN!* In a few weeks, you’ll soon earn an average food server’s $100,000 a year salary!
- note: getaway car and driver not included.
Tipping GOP Candidate for Governor Tom Emmer
Posted by Administrator in Economy, Politics on July 7th, 2010
Recently, Republican-endorsed gubernatorial candidate Tom Emmer stated that waiters and waitresses should be subject to below-minimum wage rates because their tips can give them incomes of over $100,000 a year. Earlier this evening, a dozen members of a culinary hospitality organization spotted Emmer and performed the equivalent of that youthful prank of cow tipping, upturning the hefty politician in a Walmart parking lot.
“It was actually easier than we thought since he already leaned so far to the right,” remarked an unidentified waitress.
Journal of American Rocket Science Now Has Lots of Rusty Pickup Trucks for Sale for Republicans Seeking Voters
Posted by Administrator in Politics on May 2nd, 2010
If you are a Republican political office seeker, you have seen how Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown secured his recent election as a Republican by driving a worn-out pickup truck all around the state. And very recently, another Republican, Tom Emmer of Minnesota gained his endorsement for a gubernatorial bid, and also owns an aged Ford pickup truck that the press has reported has over 200,000 miles.
You can visit the Journal of American Rocket Science’s exclusive pickup truck lot, and select a vintage pickup, covered with eye-catching rust and faded paint, and those voters will know you are no opulent life-styled wealthy big shot, but just as common as any independent voter.
Hurry while supplies last! Just bring your campaign finance director and checkbook, and pick the truck with the right instant charisma for you! Our prices will be worth your investment, and for no extra charge, we will store your shiny SUV or town car in an undisclosed location until you need it after the election! Hurry while supplies last!
What is Gov. Sarah Palin Hiding?
Posted by Administrator in Politics on July 6th, 2009
Just as South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford’s initial subterfuge of being away from his office to be hiking on the Appalachian Trail proved false, so may his second alibi – floozing around with an Argentine temptress.
Meanwhile, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin’s abrupt announcement to quickly depart from the capitol statehouse is spurring rumors she may be heading off a scandal. So – did the South Carolina gov really head for Alaska instead of South America?
Mark Trail Out of Contact Range on Appalachian Trail Searching for Gov. Mark Sanford
Posted by Administrator in Politics on July 1st, 2009
While most Americans are now up to date minute by minute with the travails of South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford’s affair with his South American mistress, famed outdoorsman Mark Trail has not been heard from since he left for an assignment over a week ago to meet Sanford and escort him along the Appalachian Trail. Favoring his utility knife in place of a cell phone, Mark Trail is assumed to be looking for traces of the now-infamous governor, whom he was supposed to meet at a designated point along the rambling mountainous route.
Satellite sightings of the intrepid outdoorsman have so far proved unsuccessful, and Homeland Security searches likewise have not been effective. However, Mark’s wife Cherry will send out his beloved dog Andy tomorrow.
Michele Bachmann Seeks New Image
Posted by Administrator in Local, Politics on April 30th, 2009
“I’m just a plain ordinary Minnesota farm girl at heart,” she exclaims.
Still under wraps, political makeover specialists are working to reverse some unfavorable perceptions of Michele Bachmann, U.S. House representative from Minnesota’s Sixth District, and the state’s most controversial politician. These handlers have chosen food as a basic component of everyday life, and butter seems most appropriate.
Soon, the iconic image of a cheerful Indian maiden holding a box of one of Minnesota’s most well known products will take on the congresswoman’s visage. A comprehensive marketing campaign will present her in an “I’m just a plain ordinary Minnesota farm girl at heart” character.
The Michele Bachmann Appointment Calendar
Posted by Administrator in Local, Politics on April 9th, 2009
Now – available from the Journal of American Rocket Science – the Michelle Bachmann Appointment Calendar for 2009 -2010
Now you can enjoy the words of Minnesota’s controversial Republican U.S. House
of Representative Michelle Bachmann, as she really spoke them in public.
And printed below – rebuttals by her ardent critics – all encapsulated in this
appointment calendar as produced by the Journal of American Rocket Science.
Order yours now – contact the Journal of American Rocket Science and get your
Michelle Bachmann Appointment Calendar!
