Posts Tagged Economy
Earn Big Money as a Tom Emmer Lookalike!
Posted by Administrator in Economy, Politics on July 15th, 2010
With a plastic face mask accurately crafted to Tom Emmer’s likeness, a blue suit, and a big canvas bag, you can make big money—merely by people throwing it at you!
The Journal of American Rocket Science will sell you a face mask and bag kit. Then, just drop by local restaurants—and —CASH IN!* In a few weeks, you’ll soon earn an average food server’s $100,000 a year salary!
- note: getaway car and driver not included.
Tipping GOP Candidate for Governor Tom Emmer
Posted by Administrator in Economy, Politics on July 7th, 2010
Recently, Republican-endorsed gubernatorial candidate Tom Emmer stated that waiters and waitresses should be subject to below-minimum wage rates because their tips can give them incomes of over $100,000 a year. Earlier this evening, a dozen members of a culinary hospitality organization spotted Emmer and performed the equivalent of that youthful prank of cow tipping, upturning the hefty politician in a Walmart parking lot.
“It was actually easier than we thought since he already leaned so far to the right,” remarked an unidentified waitress.
United States Supreme Court to File Today for S Corporation Status in the Bahamas
Posted by Administrator in Politics on January 28th, 2010
In a very quiet move today, the United States Supreme Court will incorporate to establish itself as an S corporation. The justices will be using an online program, www.incorporatefast.com, and by tomorrow will be packing up file cabinets onto a Fedex cargo plane for their new corporate headquarters in an undisclosed location in the Bahamas.
“We are taking this move to become a more effective instrument of justice,” a court spokesperson stated, “So we have to become a corporation in order to better serve corporate interests.” The off-shore location will greatly reduce their tax obligations.
As to what will become of the soon-to-be vacant Supreme Court Building in the heart of Washington D.C., the justices are negotiating a long term lease to the Hilton Hotel Corporation.
What is it with the hyper-glittery chrome, when there is so much cocaine to buy?
Posted by Administrator in Economy on November 10th, 2009
The Journal of American Rocker Science Recommends: Cash For McMansions be next on Obama’s Agenda
Posted by Administrator in Economy, Real Estate on August 6th, 2009
The wildly successful Cash for Clunkers program to thin out gas guzzler cars can make the next step to rid America’s energy wasting way of life. A federal program to buy those super-sized, garage-bloated McMansions should be next on the White House do-list. These gargantuan edifices cause more energy waste than the automobile clunkers, not to mention they are much more visually embarrassing on the American landscape.
Journal of American Rocket Science Says Federal Stimulus Package Should All Go to Artists
Posted by Administrator in Volume II on February 15th, 2009
In an unusual editorial statement today, the Journal of American Rocket Science stated the Federal Stimulus package should be entirely sent to artists in this country, who can immediately pump the cash right back into the American economy. This massive economic recovery, the journal claims, should not go to banks, who will just squirrel it away in their accounts, never to see the light of day. Artists have no bank accounts, and the money will be immediately be put in play in local art supply stores, musical instruments, studio rentals, PBR purchases, car repairs and bus fares that can generate jobs for coffee shop servers, bar tenders, and other economic stimulators.
In addition, artists’ spending can have a “green effect,” as newly opened art galleries and music performances in coffeehouses in non-descript vacant storefronts don’t draw crowds that bring auto traffic. Moreover, new galleries and performance spaces in formerly vacant warehouse buildings, will eventually create a “hot zone” that creates trendy property values and eradicates urban blight, outperforming public agency revitalization programs.
The Journal of American Rocket Science advocates congress to change their programs and spread the money to artists in every city of America.
