The World Without Us, a best-selling book by Alan Weisman describes our how planet would exist if, in some future time, all humans would vanish from it. Weisman conjectures that by 25,000 years, no noticeable trace would be found of the civilization that we know. The only human-made elements that would exist would be glass and plastic.

The book gives many people much to think about, but nobody is jumping into action to do anything about it. Except for a group of historic preservationists. Searching for ways to preserve monuments that signify human history, this preservation group is formulating two methods. One is the paperwork process of studies to mitigate adverse effects. The other is to encapsulate edifices in plastic. The name of the group has become to be known as “Paper or Plastic.”

While the mitigation studies will go through various committees for some time, the Plastics contingent will soon release a model of its first proposal – encasing the Grain Belt Brewery in Northeast Minneapolis in a gigantic plastic enclosure.

Just as ancient kings such as Ozymandius, subject of a poem by Percy Bysshe Shelley, built a stone monument of his visage that he knew would outlast him, citizens of Minneapolis can be assured that this historical structure will exist, ironically, long after any human can know its significance.

Dear Honorable and intelligent citizen of Nigeria:

Hello. My name is Tim Pawlenty and I am governor of the state of
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to give you a wonderful opportunity to make a lot of money like so
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The Governor of Minnesota

Following his somewhat notorious film, “The Passion of the Christ”, Mel
Gibson is reportedly in production with a similar-themed movie – “The
Crucifixion of the Martha.” The injustice of her being called a Wall
Street criminal, the agony of her trial and her sordid imprisonment
will receive Gibson’s trademark portrayal of excruciating suffering by
a contemporary religious figure.

But Gibson will not end his epic with her celebrated release from
prison, but will forecast a future upsetting and bizarre event,
predicting she will be hauled back into court on what he calls
“trumped” up charges for violating parole. But this time instead
returning to prison, she will undergo a crueler fate – put in the
custody of NASA, who will confine her to a Russian Soyuz space station,
assigned to an interior decorating makeover for that aesthetically
beleaguered environment. Her anguish in attempting to make chintz
curtains appear to hang straight in the weightlessness of space will be
an emotionally gripping scene.

Gibson’s craft in cinema won’t stop when the taping is finished. He
plans an innovative venue to show the film. Rebuffing the Hollywood
industry, the movie will be shown only in specially built chapels in
hundreds of shopping malls across America and in closed up K Marts.

When the giant meteor Tunguska struck the forests of Siberia in 1908,
over 200 square miles of wilderness was destroyed and the sparse
population was jolted by the hit 400 miles away. Loss of life in this
isolated area was minimal, but scientists today are issuing warnings
that it’s just a matter of time before the next meteor, possibly much
larger than the 700 ton Tunguska, will strike our earth, which today
has much larger cities, suburban subdivision and shopping centers that
would be much more vulnerable to catastrophe than pre-revolution
Siberia.

If scientists get a fix on a big one is headed, for instance, to
Washington D.C., it simply won’t be enough to ask non-essential workers
to leave early. A more effective and comprehensive scheme must be
ready.

The National Academy of Earth Defense Scientists recently commissioned
Design for Preservation to produce a defense system to protect earth
and our life style as we know it. The Academy selected Design for
Preservation based on the firms’ previous and thus-far successful
anti-tornado mock trailer court system which protects large
metropolitan areas by locating fake or simulated trailer courts in
outlying areas, acting as decoys to divert oncoming twisters.
Statistics gathered from TV news has indicated tornados seem to be
attracted to trailer courts, and this diversion method has thus far
protected Midwest cities from destruction.

Based on this success, Design for Preservation will employ the same
method, this time using space shuttles to boost several trailer courts
into orbit to attract and sidetrack incoming meteors away from earth.
Trailer courts will be authentically replicated complete with
artificial stone skirtboards, TV aerials, vinyl barn-shaped storage
sheds, particle-board doghouses, cedar split-rail fences, pickup camper
tops propped up on saw horses and various boat trailers.

A cluster of grain elevators owned by Pillsbury will no longer face demolition as consequence of that corporation’s property makeover. The Pillsbury elevators, located along the east bank of the Mississippi River near Saint Anthony Falls, are under study by Design for Preservation, a southeast Minneapolis design firm, who plans to convert the empty cylindrical structures into a music theater multiplex, each shaft to play avante garde musician John Cage’s noted work 4 minutes 33 Seconds on continuous loop tapes.

“An empty round concrete elevator shaft interior represents the ultimate in minimalist architecture,” stated Robert Roscoe, chief entrepreneurial officer (CEO) of Design for Preservation. “And the minimalist aspect of John Cage’s 4 minutes 33 Seconds is the perfect and most appropriate musical oeuvre for these spaces.”

The multiple series of elevator shafts allows the potential of multiple simultaneous performances, and the tape loop for Cage’s music piece, along with the multiplex aspect, will permit many listeners to hear the music over and over, as long as they want, and, except for rush times, no waiting in line.

Roscoe expects neighborhood approval for any permits required for the elevators’ new use, as site noise shouldn’t be the problem that other music venues located near large population areas can create.

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