Archive for category Politics
Journal of American Rocket Science Assembling Glitterbomb Rocket
Posted by Administrator in Politics on September 5th, 2011
In response to a request by a society advocating legalized same sex marriage, the Journal of American Rocket Science has designed a rocket that can shower glitter over state capitols that have resisted same sex marriage legislation. The glitter material will be tiny pink balloons, which can hover in the air a bit longer than the typical tiny particles.
The first glitter rocket will soar above the Minnesota State Capitol, the scene of continued unsuccessful attempts to enact a same sex marriage legislation. In fact, the Minnesota Supreme Court was one of the first in the nation to rule on the issue of marriage between same-sex couples. The Baker v. Nelson decision (291 Minn. 310, 191 N.W.2d 185) in 1971 held that Minnesota Statutes prohibited marriages between same-sex partners. The case was appealed to the United States Supreme Court. They issued a one sentence dismissal of the appeal (409 U.S. 810, 34 L Ed 2d 65, 93 S Ct 37; October 10, 1972) that stated: “The appeal is dismissed for want of a substantial federal question.”
The latest Minnesota legislative attempt came in May 2010. Three same-sex couples filed a lawsuit in Hennepin County District Court, arguing Minnesota’s ban on marriage between same-sex partners violates due process, equal protection, and freedom of association rights. On March 7, 2011, Hennepin County District Judge Mary Dufresne rejected their argument and dismissed the lawsuit.
Journal of American Science Update
Posted by Administrator in Politics on August 25th, 2011
Meanwhile, The Journal of American Rocket Science uncovered a news breaking story in conjunction with yesterday’s Borowitz Report, which outlined Gadhafi’s appearance in the Republican presidential race: The Republican Party has begun to plan for the former Libyan leader to become the front runner in the GOP candidate race and will likely pick Saint Paul as a return to the Republican National Convention. “Saint Paul will make Muammar comfortable,” commented a Republican Party spokesman, “with all the guns around him as we had in Saint Paul in 2008.”
Muammar Gadhafi Joins U.S. Republican Candidate Field
Posted by Administrator in Politics on August 23rd, 2011
Hap Lesse, a high ranking Republican strategist, welcomes Gadhafi into the Republican race to lead the 2012 ticket.
The Borowitz Report for Monday, August 22, states that Col. Muammar Gaddafi’s whereabouts was resolved today as the dictator announced his candidacy for the Republican presidential nomination in a town hall meeting in Concord, New Hampshire.
While some New Hampshire Republicans seemed surprised to see Col. Gaddafi shaking hands and kissing babies at the Concord town hall, an aide to the Libyan strongman said his transformation to GOP candidate made perfect sense. “In those final days in Tripoli, he was becoming increasingly disconnected from reality,” said the aide. “So I think he’ll fit right in.”
Another important sign: others gave him high marks for his grasp of history and geography, which most agreed was stronger than Michele Bachmann’s.
A Unified Minnesota State Legislature Proposes to Reinflate Metrodome With Hot Air
Posted by Administrator in Local, Politics on December 13th, 2010
Republican and Democratic leaders today proposed an immediate state legislature session to reinflate the collapsed Metrodome with hot air coming from session debates. “This joint commitment shows how normally divisive political operatives can get together to solve a problem more serious to all Minnesotans than fishing licenses and budget deficits,” State Representative Norman Normal remarked. “And we have enough hot air to first melt the snow on the sunken dome roof, then cause it to rise back into place.”
Minnesota Governor-elect Mark Dayton, however, has a different idea how to accomplish the same task: he commented that this is just another example of big government at work. His solution is to simply use the members of the Tom Emmer vote recount operation, who number somewhat less than both houses of the Minnesota State Legislature, who Dayton says have even more hot air in them.
“This is my opportunity,” Dayton noted,” to show how the job can get done with less government.”
Earn Big Money as a Tom Emmer Lookalike!
Posted by Administrator in Economy, Politics on July 15th, 2010
With a plastic face mask accurately crafted to Tom Emmer’s likeness, a blue suit, and a big canvas bag, you can make big money—merely by people throwing it at you!
The Journal of American Rocket Science will sell you a face mask and bag kit. Then, just drop by local restaurants—and —CASH IN!* In a few weeks, you’ll soon earn an average food server’s $100,000 a year salary!
* note: getaway car and driver not included.
Tipping GOP Candidate for Governor Tom Emmer
Posted by Administrator in Economy, Politics on July 7th, 2010
Recently, Republican-endorsed gubernatorial candidate Tom Emmer stated that waiters and waitresses should be subject to below-minimum wage rates because their tips can give them incomes of over $100,000 a year. Earlier this evening, a dozen members of a culinary hospitality organization spotted Emmer and performed the equivalent of that youthful prank of cow tipping, upturning the hefty politician in a Walmart parking lot.
“It was actually easier than we thought since he already leaned so far to the right,” remarked an unidentified waitress.
Journal of American Rocket Science Now Has Lots of Rusty Pickup Trucks for Sale for Republicans Seeking Voters
Posted by Administrator in Politics on May 2nd, 2010
If you are a Republican political office seeker, you have seen how Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown secured his recent election as a Republican by driving a worn-out pickup truck all around the state. And very recently, another Republican, Tom Emmer of Minnesota gained his endorsement for a gubernatorial bid, and also owns an aged Ford pickup truck that the press has reported has over 200,000 miles.
You can visit the Journal of American Rocket Science’s exclusive pickup truck lot, and select a vintage pickup, covered with eye-catching rust and faded paint, and those voters will know you are no opulent life-styled wealthy big shot, but just as common as any independent voter.
Hurry while supplies last! Just bring your campaign finance director and checkbook, and pick the truck with the right instant charisma for you! Our prices will be worth your investment, and for no extra charge, we will store your shiny SUV or town car in an undisclosed location until you need it after the election! Hurry while supplies last!
