Archive for category Politics
Earn Big Money as a Tom Emmer Lookalike!
Posted by Administrator in Economy, Politics on July 15th, 2010
With a plastic face mask accurately crafted to Tom Emmer’s likeness, a blue suit, and a big canvas bag, you can make big money—merely by people throwing it at you!
The Journal of American Rocket Science will sell you a face mask and bag kit. Then, just drop by local restaurants—and —CASH IN!* In a few weeks, you’ll soon earn an average food server’s $100,000 a year salary!
- note: getaway car and driver not included.
Tipping GOP Candidate for Governor Tom Emmer
Posted by Administrator in Economy, Politics on July 7th, 2010
Recently, Republican-endorsed gubernatorial candidate Tom Emmer stated that waiters and waitresses should be subject to below-minimum wage rates because their tips can give them incomes of over $100,000 a year. Earlier this evening, a dozen members of a culinary hospitality organization spotted Emmer and performed the equivalent of that youthful prank of cow tipping, upturning the hefty politician in a Walmart parking lot.
“It was actually easier than we thought since he already leaned so far to the right,” remarked an unidentified waitress.
Journal of American Rocket Science Now Has Lots of Rusty Pickup Trucks for Sale for Republicans Seeking Voters
Posted by Administrator in Politics on May 2nd, 2010
If you are a Republican political office seeker, you have seen how Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown secured his recent election as a Republican by driving a worn-out pickup truck all around the state. And very recently, another Republican, Tom Emmer of Minnesota gained his endorsement for a gubernatorial bid, and also owns an aged Ford pickup truck that the press has reported has over 200,000 miles.
You can visit the Journal of American Rocket Science’s exclusive pickup truck lot, and select a vintage pickup, covered with eye-catching rust and faded paint, and those voters will know you are no opulent life-styled wealthy big shot, but just as common as any independent voter.
Hurry while supplies last! Just bring your campaign finance director and checkbook, and pick the truck with the right instant charisma for you! Our prices will be worth your investment, and for no extra charge, we will store your shiny SUV or town car in an undisclosed location until you need it after the election! Hurry while supplies last!
United States Supreme Court to File Today for S Corporation Status in the Bahamas
Posted by Administrator in Politics on January 28th, 2010
In a very quiet move today, the United States Supreme Court will incorporate to establish itself as an S corporation. The justices will be using an online program, www.incorporatefast.com, and by tomorrow will be packing up file cabinets onto a Fedex cargo plane for their new corporate headquarters in an undisclosed location in the Bahamas.
“We are taking this move to become a more effective instrument of justice,” a court spokesperson stated, “So we have to become a corporation in order to better serve corporate interests.” The off-shore location will greatly reduce their tax obligations.
As to what will become of the soon-to-be vacant Supreme Court Building in the heart of Washington D.C., the justices are negotiating a long term lease to the Hilton Hotel Corporation.
Seed Art, Michele Bachmann and the State Fair
Posted by Administrator in Local, Politics on September 4th, 2009
From the Thursday September 3 issue of the Twin Cities Daily Planet, with permission, we reprint this feature:
Seed Art, Michele Bachmann and the State Fair
Seed art is a long tradition at the Minnesota State Fair. This year’s crop includes some pointed, political entries.
AnnaConda – Snakewoman
GOP Sideshow – AnnaConda, Snakewoman
GOP Sideshow – World’s biggest ego, world’s thinnest skin
Madame Michelle’s Zany Predictilns
GOP Sideshow – Madame Michelle’s Zany Predictions
Michele Bachmann, Patron Saint of Wingnuts
Obama Birth Certificate
Obama Birth Certificate – Birthers, Move On!
Michele’s Precious Moments
Precious Moments Close-Up
“I’m not blaming [swine flu] on President Obama. I just think it’s an interesting coincidence.” Michele Bachmann
For more seed art close-ups, see the full post at tcdailyplanet.net
What is Gov. Sarah Palin Hiding?
Posted by Administrator in Politics on July 6th, 2009
Just as South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford’s initial subterfuge of being away from his office to be hiking on the Appalachian Trail proved false, so may his second alibi – floozing around with an Argentine temptress.
Meanwhile, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin’s abrupt announcement to quickly depart from the capitol statehouse is spurring rumors she may be heading off a scandal. So – did the South Carolina gov really head for Alaska instead of South America?
Mark Trail Out of Contact Range on Appalachian Trail Searching for Gov. Mark Sanford
Posted by Administrator in Politics on July 1st, 2009
While most Americans are now up to date minute by minute with the travails of South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford’s affair with his South American mistress, famed outdoorsman Mark Trail has not been heard from since he left for an assignment over a week ago to meet Sanford and escort him along the Appalachian Trail. Favoring his utility knife in place of a cell phone, Mark Trail is assumed to be looking for traces of the now-infamous governor, whom he was supposed to meet at a designated point along the rambling mountainous route.
Satellite sightings of the intrepid outdoorsman have so far proved unsuccessful, and Homeland Security searches likewise have not been effective. However, Mark’s wife Cherry will send out his beloved dog Andy tomorrow.
