Archive for category Local
….. And One Giant Hot Dog for Mankind
Posted by Administrator in Local on July 22nd, 2009
Forty years after the Apollo 11 moon landing, a landing approach in a Wisconsin driveway didn’t go so well.
Confederacy of Chickens Inc. Plans to Convert Block E into Chicken Coop
Posted by Administrator in Local, Real Estate on June 7th, 2009
Vacancy posters and for lease signs continue to proliferate in the store windows of Block E, the soon-to-be vacant and once-ballyhooed downtown Minneapolis retail showpiece. Mall owners and city government are finding no buyers in their offer to sell the troubled retail behemoth to take-over mall entrepreneurs. Nonetheless, one development group is planning a serious offer to take over the trouble spot—the Confederacy of Chickens Inc, who plan on converting the pseudo-glitzy complex into an organic chicken coop. To borrow a bit from tradition, the confederacy plans to name their enterprise Cluck E.
“This mall is a very appropriate nurturing environment for raising healthy organic chickens,” say Confederacy representatives. “Rather than being crowded together in the industrialized chicken farms, Cluck E will give these fowl room to roam around in free-range mode, which gives opportunity for a proper chicken life-style growth.” A Confederacy of Chickens spokesperson adds, “This shopping mall architecture was designed to be conducive for small-brain creatures to thrive, so it should work well for chickens.”
Michele Bachmann Seeks New Image
Posted by Administrator in Local, Politics on April 30th, 2009
“I’m just a plain ordinary Minnesota farm girl at heart,” she exclaims.
Still under wraps, political makeover specialists are working to reverse some unfavorable perceptions of Michele Bachmann, U.S. House representative from Minnesota’s Sixth District, and the state’s most controversial politician. These handlers have chosen food as a basic component of everyday life, and butter seems most appropriate.
Soon, the iconic image of a cheerful Indian maiden holding a box of one of Minnesota’s most well known products will take on the congresswoman’s visage. A comprehensive marketing campaign will present her in an “I’m just a plain ordinary Minnesota farm girl at heart” character.
Think About Honking
Posted by Administrator in Local on April 27th, 2009
Bumper Sticker Seen on Franklin Avenue, Minneapolis, MN
The Michele Bachmann Appointment Calendar
Posted by Administrator in Local, Politics on April 9th, 2009
Now – available from the Journal of American Rocket Science -
the Michelle Bachmann Appointment Calendar for 2009 -2010
Now you can enjoy the words of Minnesota’s controversial Republican U.S. House
of Representative Michelle Bachmann, as she really spoke them in public.
And printed below – rebuttals by her ardent critics – all encapsulated in this
appointment calendar as produced by the Journal of American Rocket Science.
Order yours now – contact the Journal of American Rocket Science and get your
Michelle Bachmann Appointment Calendar!
Endangered Species – Hummer Dealerships
Posted by Administrator in Local on March 9th, 2009
A prominent and potent symbol of the culmination of Twentieth Century American culture – the Hummer – is disappearing from the highways and parking lots of this nation.
Inevitably, those ostentatious Hummer dealership show places that sold them will likewise become endangered roadside architecture. When these provocatively designed structures located near freeways, disintegrate into the fields, America will have lost the spirit that defined who we are – or were.
Many Hummer dealerships have closed, and their signature overtly curving up and down ramps, with their old-time timber fences, no longer display mighty Hummers humping up at their moment of climax. Instead, weeds sprout through parking lot asphalt, and wind-blown McDonald wrappers are scattered against the large glass show windows that now only reveal a history of lost ideals.
Historic preservation should step up to the plate, and rescue these Hummer Dealerships; convert these structures into Hummer Interpretive Museums, so that future generations can gain the sense of what late Twentieth Century America was all about.
Guthrie Becomes Ikea
Posted by Administrator in Art & Design, Local on September 9th, 2005
Sometime after the new Guthrie Theater opens on the riverbank near downtown Minneapolis, a drama devotee may exclaim during a spate of cultural chitchat after attending an Ibsen play, “ It is remarkable how Hedda Gabler’s superfluidity as a mask for her hyperaestivation was so elegantly amplified by that sleek Ikea divan and floor lamp as seen on stage in act three.” Which could draw the response,” And that Ikea writing desk? I have to drive out to Ikea tomorrow to buy one.”
Will this happen, thanks to an Ikea upcoming deal with the Guthrie management to purchase branding rights for the theater? Did Ikea drive the idea for those dark blue metal wall panels that went on the building in its early construction? Soon, will we see those supersized bright yellow letters on the side of the building?
And where could this lead to? Will a deal with NASCAR put Pennzoil patches on Hamlet’s cloak, or a Firestone logo on a spoiler fin mounted on an on-stage Elizabethan carriage?
