Archive for category Economy

Earn Big Money as a Tom Emmer Lookalike!

Tom Emmer
With a plastic face mask accurately crafted to Tom Emmer’s likeness, a blue suit, and a big canvas bag, you can make big money—merely by people throwing it at you!

The Journal of American Rocket Science will sell you a face mask and bag kit. Then, just drop by local restaurants—and —CASH IN!* In a few weeks, you’ll soon earn an average food server’s $100,000 a year salary!

  • note: getaway car and driver not included.

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Tipping GOP Candidate for Governor Tom Emmer

2010_06_emmerRecently, Republican-endorsed gubernatorial candidate Tom Emmer stated that waiters and waitresses should be subject to below-minimum wage rates because their tips can give them incomes of over $100,000 a year. Earlier this evening, a dozen members of a culinary hospitality organization spotted Emmer and performed the equivalent of that youthful prank of cow tipping, upturning the hefty politician in a Walmart parking lot.

“It was actually easier than we thought since he already leaned so far to the right,” remarked an unidentified waitress.

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What is it with the hyper-glittery chrome, when there is so much cocaine to buy?

Hyper chrome

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The Journal of American Rocker Science Recommends: Cash For McMansions be next on Obama’s Agenda

jars_mcmansion
The wildly successful Cash for Clunkers program to thin out gas guzzler cars can make the next step to rid America’s energy wasting way of life. A federal program to buy those super-sized, garage-bloated McMansions should be next on the White House do-list. These gargantuan edifices cause more energy waste than the automobile clunkers, not to mention they are much more visually embarrassing on the American landscape.

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