Author Archive
Apple Chief Steve Jobs Blames Toyota for New iPhone 4 Signal Loss Problems
Posted by Administrator in Technology on July 19th, 2010
In a teleconference scheduled for this evening, Apple CEO Steve Jobs will lay the blame for the new iPhone 4 signal loss problems on Toyota: specifically, Toyota’s digital braking and acceleration systems, which cause electronic interference with the iPhone 4’s sensitive antenna, thus causing some dropped calls.
According to Jobs, Apple has “proof positive” after extensive testing. He notes that no other automobile causes this situation, but that Toyota vehicles can—even from several hundred feet away.
Earn Big Money as a Tom Emmer Lookalike!
Posted by Administrator in Economy, Politics on July 15th, 2010

With a plastic face mask accurately crafted to Tom Emmer’s likeness, a blue suit, and a big canvas bag, you can make big money—merely by people throwing it at you!
The Journal of American Rocket Science will sell you a face mask and bag kit. Then, just drop by local restaurants—and —CASH IN!* In a few weeks, you’ll soon earn an average food server’s $100,000 a year salary!
- note: getaway car and driver not included.
Tipping GOP Candidate for Governor Tom Emmer
Posted by Administrator in Economy, Politics on July 7th, 2010
Recently, Republican-endorsed gubernatorial candidate Tom Emmer stated that waiters and waitresses should be subject to below-minimum wage rates because their tips can give them incomes of over $100,000 a year. Earlier this evening, a dozen members of a culinary hospitality organization spotted Emmer and performed the equivalent of that youthful prank of cow tipping, upturning the hefty politician in a Walmart parking lot.
“It was actually easier than we thought since he already leaned so far to the right,” remarked an unidentified waitress.
Giant Jesus Statue
Posted by Administrator in Religion on June 20th, 2010
The Journal of American Rocket Science is conducting research on the recent devastation of a giant Jesus statue on Ohio, attempting to divine any theological implications of the event. The following two news items shed a little light on what has happened:
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Heaven-bound: Giant Jesus Statue
From: RoadsideAmerica.com: Your Online Guide to Offbeat Tourist Attractions
Monroe, Ohio
NEWSFLASH!! During a storm on June 14, 2010, the giant “King of Kings” styrofoam and fiberglass Jesus statue was struck by lightning and burst into flames. The statue was reported to have been completely destroyed.
Before that meteorological portent, this was our visit story:
Jesus has risen near the interstate north of Cincinnati. A 62-ft. high sculpture of Christ appears to explode from the dirt behind the amphitheater at Monroe’s Solid Rock Church. From the waist down, he’s underground….
Enormous flea markets on both sides of highways at this exit make for large weekend traffic jams. Traders World is right next door. But Jesus faces west towards I-75—highly visible—and you’d be crazy not to get off at the first off-ramp to worship and snap a photo.
The Big J. is a symbol of devotion for the congregation of 3,000 at Solid Rock, a nondenominational mega-church. Pastor Lawrence Bishop presides; his wife Darlene also founded the church and she evangelizes with her own tidy set of ministries. You can buy Darlene’s new book, “Your Life Follows Your Words,” or hear the Fire Choir “Worship on Fire” to get a sense of what you’re missing inside.
Outside, artist James Lynch was commissioned to render a fiberglass and styrofoam over metal frame depiction of Christ after the Resurrection looming over the Baptismal Pool. The figure was completed in September 2004.
Lynch has created other larger-than-life sculpture in places such as Las Vegas (Caesar’s big Neptune) and Disney World. Church leaders believe it is the World’s Largest Christ (or at least the W.L. half-buried Messiah) and have submitted it for consideration for a Guinness World Record.
The pose of the statue as generated plenty of discussion. The upraised arms familiar to “praise” service attendees conjures different images for locals, who refer to the big Savior as “Touchdown Jesus,” or “Drowning Jesus.”
Soon after the statue’s completion, tipster Lori Baker wrote us: “I found it interesting that a poll taken of locals concerning the statue of Jesus in Monroe had the following results: 25% feel that it is a ‘Godsend, good for Monroe,’ while 75% found that it was an ‘Eyesore, bad for Monroe.’”
October 2006: The statue continues to accumulate nicknames, and is the subject of a novelty song by comedian Heywood Banks, “Big Butter Jesus.” The song reminds all to “Spread the word.”
April 2005: The pond has been filled, and the landscaping completed, making the giant Jesus appear as if rising from the waters. This is a dramatic spot for Solid Rock baptisms, visible from the highway.
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Ohio’s Jesus Statue Is Latest Religious Statue to Be Struck By Lightning
By Monica Hesse and Dan Zak
Washington Post Staff Writer
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
It appears God has sacrificed his only son. Again.
A bolt struck a 62-foot-tall statue of Jesus Christ on Monday outside a church in Monroe, Ohio, and the statue erupted in flames. All that remains is a charred steel skeleton, its spindly arms stretched toward heaven, a gesture that once earned it the nickname “Touchdown Jesus.”
Darlene Bishop, co-pastor of Solid Rock Church, says she’s simply relieved that the lightning hit Jesus and not the home for at-risk women next door.
“I told them, ‘It looks like Jesus took a hit for you last night,’ ” she says.
Act of God? Act of nature?
In 2008, lightning singed the fingers and eyebrows of Christ the Redeemer, the 130-foot Jesus statue that stands over Rio de Janeiro. In 2007, a bolt blasted the 33-foot Jesus statue at Mother Cabrini Shrine in Golden, Colo. One of Jesus’s arms fell off.
The saints and angels are not safe either. The Notre Dame de Chicago’s Virgin Mary burst into flames from her perch atop the church’s dome in 1978; the Engineering News Record covered the construction of a new, lightning-resistant statue with the headline: “Burned once, dome reMaryed.”
A bolt that struck St. Joan of Arc’s statue in New Orleans sliced her brandished staff in half. Statues of the Angel Moroni, which frequently top Mormon churches, have been hit by lightning with such frequency—Moroni’s horn is particularly susceptible—that the Salt Lake Tribune once fretted over their safety in a front-page story.
(Side note: Actor James Caviezel was struck by lightning in 2003 while filming Mel Gibson’s “The Passion of the Christ.” He was playing Jesus.)
Believer or not, we can always count on lightning to energize the what-does-it-mean lobes of our brain.
Ancient Romans equated statues being struck by lightning with bad omens, such as chickens beginning to talk and blood raining from the sky. Presumably, the latter two were less-frequent events.
To find some modern-day meaning in Touchdown Jesus, we turned to Pat Robertson, host of “The 700 Club,” who has divined meaning from Hurricane Katrina (abortionists?) and the Haitian earthquake (historic pact with the Devil?). Alas, he declined through a publicist to interpret the significance of the lightning.
Now Available From BP
Posted by Administrator in Food & Dining on June 4th, 2010
Now available from BP—our own patented BP Gulf Coast Varietal Fish Oil. From mile-deep sea floor depths to be fresh for your table. You can throw away that bottle of Asian fish oil you got from some fancy gourmet foods store and enjoy a nutritious American style fish oil.
You can enjoy blackened shrimp like you’ve never tasted before!
Journal of American Rocket Science Now Has Lots of Rusty Pickup Trucks for Sale for Republicans Seeking Voters
Posted by Administrator in Politics on May 2nd, 2010

If you are a Republican political office seeker, you have seen how Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown secured his recent election as a Republican by driving a worn-out pickup truck all around the state. And very recently, another Republican, Tom Emmer of Minnesota gained his endorsement for a gubernatorial bid, and also owns an aged Ford pickup truck that the press has reported has over 200,000 miles.
You can visit the Journal of American Rocket Science’s exclusive pickup truck lot, and select a vintage pickup, covered with eye-catching rust and faded paint, and those voters will know you are no opulent life-styled wealthy big shot, but just as common as any independent voter.
Hurry while supplies last! Just bring your campaign finance director and checkbook, and pick the truck with the right instant charisma for you! Our prices will be worth your investment, and for no extra charge, we will store your shiny SUV or town car in an undisclosed location until you need it after the election! Hurry while supplies last!
Journal of American Rocket Science Promises No More Acceleration of Publishing
Posted by Administrator in News on March 2nd, 2010

The Journal of American Rocket Science today announced its recent acceleration of publishing research that began in December will level off to a consistent level for the time being. Researchers have also stated there will be no recall of any published articles.
Maintaining quality and reputation is of highest importance, says Journal representatives, as the publication scores highest in satisfaction with reliability/dependability.