Monthly Archives: December 2010

A Unified Minnesota State Legislature Proposes to Reinflate Metrodome With Hot Air

2010_12metrodomeRepublican and Democratic leaders today proposed an immediate state legislature session to reinflate the collapsed Metrodome with hot air coming from session debates. “This joint commitment shows how normally divisive political operatives can get together to solve a problem more serious to all Minnesotans than fishing licenses and budget deficits,” State Representative Norman Normal remarked. “And we have enough hot air to first melt the snow on the sunken dome roof, then cause it to rise back into place.”

Minnesota Governor-elect Mark Dayton, however, has a different idea how to accomplish the same task: he commented that this is just another example of big government at work. His solution is to simply use the members of the Tom Emmer vote recount operation, who number somewhat less than both houses of the Minnesota State Legislature, who Dayton says have even more hot air in them.

“This is my opportunity,” Dayton noted,” to show how the job can get done with less government.”

13 Predictions for 2011

  • Minnesota Governor Mark Dayton, beleaguered by battles with the state legislature, buckles under the pressure and pleas for Tom Emmer to reconduct the vote recount.
  • Scientist claims to disprove global warming, saying it cannot happen to an earth that is flat.
  • Imprisoned and doomed auto magnate Denny Hecker finds Jesus as his savior, then says he should be released from jail because Jesus has pardoned him.
  • Sarah Palin announces her 2012 run for president; asks Sid Hartman to be vice presidential running mate.
  • Jesse Ventura challenges Bret Favre for Vikings quarterback position.
  • State of Texas announces plan to humanely execute state’s death row prisoners—builds huge solar collector to power electric chairs.
  • Hummers designated as toxic material, restricted from waste landfills.
  • Steeply downward economy causes people to adopt extremely minimal lifestyles and forsake materialism. Mall of America loses 99% of shopper purchases in one week. Carloads of people bring excess belongings, many formerly purchased at MOA, to dump them off at Mall of America. The entire place becomes a landfill dump and cynics rename it “Maw of America.”
  • Wikleaks announces, despite extensive searches, that they can find no juicy secrets about historic preservation to expose to the public. Historic preservationists become alarmed.
  • City of Minneapolis privatizes Mayor RT Rybak.
  • Developer purchases entire city of Eden Prairie to convert it into a replica of the Gull Lake area.
  • Developer purchases entire body of water of Lake Vermillion and shoreline to convert it into a replica of Lake Minnetonka area.
  • Embarrass Township votes to change its name to Salubrious Meadows.