Monthly Archives: July 2010

Apple Chief Steve Jobs Blames Toyota for New iPhone 4 Signal Loss Problems

2010_07_prius In a teleconference scheduled for this evening, Apple CEO Steve Jobs will lay the blame for the new iPhone 4 signal loss problems on Toyota: specifically, Toyota’s digital braking and acceleration systems, which cause electronic interference with the iPhone 4’s sensitive antenna, thus causing some dropped calls.

According to Jobs, Apple has “proof positive” after extensive testing. He notes that no other automobile causes this situation, but that Toyota vehicles can—even from several hundred feet away.

Earn Big Money as a Tom Emmer Lookalike!

Tom Emmer
With a plastic face mask accurately crafted to Tom Emmer’s likeness, a blue suit, and a big canvas bag, you can make big money—merely by people throwing it at you!

The Journal of American Rocket Science will sell you a face mask and bag kit. Then, just drop by local restaurants—and —CASH IN!* In a few weeks, you’ll soon earn an average food server’s $100,000 a year salary!

* note: getaway car and driver not included.

Tipping GOP Candidate for Governor Tom Emmer

2010_06_emmerRecently, Republican-endorsed gubernatorial candidate Tom Emmer stated that waiters and waitresses should be subject to below-minimum wage rates because their tips can give them incomes of over $100,000 a year. Earlier this evening, a dozen members of a culinary hospitality organization spotted Emmer and performed the equivalent of that youthful prank of cow tipping, upturning the hefty politician in a Walmart parking lot.

“It was actually easier than we thought since he already leaned so far to the right,” remarked an unidentified waitress.