Monthly Archives: May 2005

Open Letter to The People of Nigeria from MN Governor Tim Pawlenty

Dear Honorable and intelligent citizen of Nigeria:

Hello. My name is Tim Pawlenty and I am governor of the state of
Minnesota in the United States of America, and I am sending you this e-mail
to give you a wonderful opportunity to make a lot of money like so
many of my fellow Americans do. Right now my state of Minnesota has a
lot of wealth, but I need to make my state government budget balance
its bookwork, and to do that, I plan to have the state of Minnesota
build several casinos that can bring gambling money to help the
government. I am asking you to invest in a sure thing. It is sure
because gambling brings in more money in one year than the cost of
building the casino. With your financial commitment, of, say, $500,000,
my state can pay you back a great profit for your investment. But we
need to build the casinos quickly.
With your financial commitment of , say, $500,000, you can be paid
back with many profits. Many Nigerians have sent e mails to people in
my state offering to share in various financial plans, so I feel we
have already forged a friendship bond between our peoples. With your
financial commitment of, say, $500,000, you can be paid back with many
profits. My office is ready for your check of, say, $500,000, and I am
your friend.

Sincerely,

The Governor of Minnesota

Mel Gibson’s New Movie Will Depict Suffering of Martha Stewart


Following his somewhat notorious film, “The Passion of the Christ”, Mel
Gibson is reportedly in production with a similar-themed movie – “The
Crucifixion of the Martha.” The injustice of her being called a Wall
Street criminal, the agony of her trial and her sordid imprisonment
will receive Gibson’s trademark portrayal of excruciating suffering by
a contemporary religious figure.

But Gibson will not end his epic with her celebrated release from
prison, but will forecast a future upsetting and bizarre event,
predicting she will be hauled back into court on what he calls
“trumped” up charges for violating parole. But this time instead
returning to prison, she will undergo a crueler fate – put in the
custody of NASA, who will confine her to a Russian Soyuz space station,
assigned to an interior decorating makeover for that aesthetically
beleaguered environment. Her anguish in attempting to make chintz
curtains appear to hang straight in the weightlessness of space will be
an emotionally gripping scene.

Gibson’s craft in cinema won’t stop when the taping is finished. He
plans an innovative venue to show the film. Rebuffing the Hollywood
industry, the movie will be shown only in specially built chapels in
hundreds of shopping malls across America and in closed up K Marts.