Big Box Retailers to Petition U.S. Congress to Delete Thanksgiving and Create BIG BOX DAY
Posted by Administrator in Economy on November 23rd, 2011
Thanksgiving as we have known it since the days of the pilgrims may be a thing of the past, as the Big Box Retailers For a Better America (BBRBA) is organizing federal legislation to substitute a four-day big box holiday weekend, beginning with the third Thursday in November and ending in the final hours of the following Sunday night. “Americans should not have to endure excess unhealthy eating on this obsolete holiday,” remarked MMRBA spokesman Dan Dollar, ”when they can get an early start on celebrating Christmas.”
In the last few years, the big box stores have become fiercely competitive, moving store openings from 6AM the Friday after Thanksgiving to midnight and now into Thanksgiving evening itself, a move that seems only inevitable.
By next year, that traditional holiday song we have grown up with may be rewritten into: “Over the freeway and through the sound barrier walls to big boxes we go.”
Catholic Church Buys Crystal Cathedral – And Hopes to Buy Transparency
Posted by Administrator in Religion on November 20th, 2011
The sort-of-famous Chrystal Cathedral in Orange County, California, designed by noted architect Phillip Johnson and his partner John Burgee, has been sold to the Catholic Church for a reported $57.5 million. The stated reason for the purchase, according to the Orange County Catholic Diocese, is that the structure’s real estate price was too good to pass up.
But the Journal of American Rocket Science has discovered that a conclave of Catholic church hierarchy deliberated as to what to do about the constant criticism of lack of transparency. Finally, one prelate came up with a solution: the answer to lack of transparency is glass, a lot of it. When they learned of the Crystal Cathedral was up for sale, they acted with uncharacteristic quickness.
As one church spokesman commented: “That’s why we are called the Holy See.”
Steve Jobs – the closest we may have to a deity in these times
Posted by Administrator in Culture on October 9th, 2011
“We don’t have good language to talk about this kind of thing (design). In most people’s vocabularies, design means veneer. It’s interior decorating. It’s the fabric of the curtains and the sofa. But to me, nothing could be further from the meaning of design. Design is the fundamental soul of a man-made creation that ends up expressing itself in successive outer layers of the product or service. The iMac is not just the color or translucence or the shape of the shell. The essence of the iMac is to be the finest possible consumer computer in which each element plays together. … That is the furthest thing from veneer. It was at the core of the product the day we started.
From the article by JAMES B. STEWART
Published: October 7, 2011
New York Times, October 8, 2011
Journal of American Rocket Science Assembling Glitterbomb Rocket
Posted by Administrator in Politics on September 5th, 2011
In response to a request by a society advocating legalized same sex marriage, the Journal of American Rocket Science has designed a rocket that can shower glitter over state capitols that have resisted same sex marriage legislation. The glitter material will be tiny pink balloons, which can hover in the air a bit longer than the typical tiny particles.
The first glitter rocket will soar above the Minnesota State Capitol, the scene of continued unsuccessful attempts to enact a same sex marriage legislation. In fact, the Minnesota Supreme Court was one of the first in the nation to rule on the issue of marriage between same-sex couples. The Baker v. Nelson decision (291 Minn. 310, 191 N.W.2d 185) in 1971 held that Minnesota Statutes prohibited marriages between same-sex partners. The case was appealed to the United States Supreme Court. They issued a one sentence dismissal of the appeal (409 U.S. 810, 34 L Ed 2d 65, 93 S Ct 37; October 10, 1972) that stated: “The appeal is dismissed for want of a substantial federal question.”
The latest Minnesota legislative attempt came in May 2010. Three same-sex couples filed a lawsuit in Hennepin County District Court, arguing Minnesota’s ban on marriage between same-sex partners violates due process, equal protection, and freedom of association rights. On March 7, 2011, Hennepin County District Judge Mary Dufresne rejected their argument and dismissed the lawsuit.
Catholic Liberals to Organize Internet Pray-in For Rapture of Pope Benedict
Posted by Administrator in Religion on August 29th, 2011
A soon-to-be-announced coalition of liberal Catholics is organizing a massive internet “pray-in” event to sent Pope Benedict XVI into rapture. The “Benny-up,” also known as the “Ratzinger Rapture,” will, as the liberal coalition states, “put him into a better place, for him, and all of us.” The transfer of his vestments after the rapture has already been taken care of. It in a scheduled internet auction, Muammar Ghaddafi has announced he will top anyone placing a bid. Stay tuned for upcoming updates. For further details, see benny-up666@gmail.org.
Journal of American Science Update
Posted by Administrator in Politics on August 25th, 2011
Meanwhile, The Journal of American Rocket Science uncovered a news breaking story in conjunction with yesterday’s Borowitz Report, which outlined Gadhafi’s appearance in the Republican presidential race: The Republican Party has begun to plan for the former Libyan leader to become the front runner in the GOP candidate race and will likely pick Saint Paul as a return to the Republican National Convention. “Saint Paul will make Muammar comfortable,” commented a Republican Party spokesman, “with all the guns around him as we had in Saint Paul in 2008.”
Muammar Gadhafi Joins U.S. Republican Candidate Field
Posted by Administrator in Politics on August 23rd, 2011
Hap Lesse, a high ranking Republican strategist, welcomes Gadhafi into the Republican race to lead the 2012 ticket.
The Borowitz Report for Monday, August 22, states that Col. Muammar Gaddafi’s whereabouts was resolved today as the dictator announced his candidacy for the Republican presidential nomination in a town hall meeting in Concord, New Hampshire.
While some New Hampshire Republicans seemed surprised to see Col. Gaddafi shaking hands and kissing babies at the Concord town hall, an aide to the Libyan strongman said his transformation to GOP candidate made perfect sense. “In those final days in Tripoli, he was becoming increasingly disconnected from reality,” said the aide. “So I think he’ll fit right in.”
Another important sign: others gave him high marks for his grasp of history and geography, which most agreed was stronger than Michele Bachmann’s.
